the BRUTAL, UGLY truth of my FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL life.


1:38 a.m. + 2004-04-13 = a little, a lot and too much.


oh my dear lord jesus fucking christ. [and that's the g-rated, easter-sensitive version].

living without internet is starting to agitate me. is a horrible, trixi-hobbitses sort of site. it's like highschool all over again... only you have to pay $6 for 3day trial membership to unpopularity.

but there is OH-SO-MUCH more of my life i need to filling y'all in on....

where to begin?

i don't know. so i guess i'll just jump into the thick of things....

work is terribly hectic. it is a good hectic; the sort i've been craving. but i'm burnt out on cookie-production. [have also added mattson's super secret triplicious ginger cookie to the mix and it is a hit, thus potential JOB SECURITY... being a genius and all.] fulltime "cookie-maker" hired yesterday, orientation today, starts tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! hoseanna, easter, i'm a christian again... i will not have to make Black Angus cookies (if you really want to know, email/call for details) every other [frickin'] day.

in other news, i hung out with le peacock again, on easter-eve at the muddy pig in st. paul but mere blocks from his abode. it was a good time. i mentioned that i went out on a date that didn't pan out [but i got to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is now best romantical film in my book, hands-down ever]. a few minutes later, and i forgot what were discussing, l'peacock says something and breaks off in mid sentence--trails off into elipsesland, followed by a "so you went on a date and you weren't feeling it?"

to which i changed the subject.

post-bar at the corner of dale and laurel [at which we would part ways, peacock to his abode, me to my car], we said our goodbyes. we disappear from each others' views.

then, i hear, "Mattson!" and turn around to see a peacock halfass-jogging back to the corner. (if ever a hallmark hall-of-fame, made-for-tv moment... but alas!) "Since you don't have tv and miss it, do you want to come over and watch a little tv?"

[[[oh god... i did. and i'd be lying if i said it was solely the allure of seeing janet jackson portray connie rice on saturday night live.]]]

so i did. so we did. harvey jackson, the mangey cat d'peacock, rested between us on the futon.

i know better than to think there'd ever be an ulterior motive with peacock...

and why is he even being mentioned?, some ask. well... good question. i wish i knew specifics. all i do know is that i pretty sure i got so wrapped up in beautiful brian, i sort of neglected to perma-getover peacock... though i think i have mentioned before that there'll always be unfinished business between him and i.

needless to say, i'm quite upset and distraught about this re-discovery of the peacock fire.

and yes.... "ugh, ugh, ugh." i know. i know i know better than this. i do know better than this.

but someone once said, [well... it was in a dream i had not all that long ago...] "some mistakes are best made twice."

it's sort of frustrating. if one is knowledgeable as to how my mind works.... peacock is throwing out all the signs and saying all the perfect things to gear up for a try-again/re-union.... and if one knew peacock... he has "no ulterior motives."

this seems to be quite the pickle. y'know, since i hung out with my friend dan today and under any normal circumstances would've instantly wanted to call it a date and demanded to know why there was no last-minute kiss attempt.... but i didn't. which isn't to say that i won't.... but i just didn't. odd. curious. nonplussing. to say the least.

so maybe the bar has been raised.

okej, bedtime now.

i'll be taking my dreams unsweetened, thank you.

[[it's going to be an amazing album.]]


comments?? --->[thisaway]--->[[looks to me as though there are...]]---> 0 repercussions thus far


[prologue] *** [epilogue] ***[plottwist!]

[[erstwhile]] ***** [[forthwith]]

reference desk


Site Meter

periodical rack