the BRUTAL, UGLY truth of my FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL life.



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9:29 p.m. + 2004-04-02 = hasty entry. heavy matter. caution advised. crashhelmet required.

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k, must make this quick...

how i could possibly be this busy and preoccupied and such and still manage to find the time to feel upon the edge of misery and loneliness is beyond me.

i wonder if my horoscope said, "the only three men to ever in your fantastic, yet brief life-to-present, meet your excedingly [crazily-so] high standards would do your head in." Brian has a crush, which tragically is the only thing i feel good about. I know there's no replacing me and he knows there's no replacing him, but alas... i think that mountain range between us [literally!] is high enough. (sorry, ms. ross.) and we be feeling it.

I had beers with le peacock last night and on the buzzed drive home (i'm staying in minneapolis with krista's sister until i find a place of my own) realised that i had gotten so swept off my feet by dear brian that i left oh-so-much unresolved with peacock and that meeting him for beers now is nothing short of sacrifice to the gods of self-loathing and lamentation. then there's scott... who says pretty and endearing things to me and i really don't know what to make of it and i really DON'T want to know, to be honest.

today... today was just icky. i can't wait until i can go to bed and wake up tomorrow and take it out on the cookies and vegan/gluten-free tofu-cheesecake [insert the word: "autrocity"] in the morning.

but firstly, i needs to drive alls the ways up to the mini apple... i should feasibly be in asleep by midnight. oy. i'm going to need a nap t'morrow.

p.s. my soundtrack to the last 5 hours has been: silent all these years*t.amos, myself, brian's bodacious mixtape-lite, best of new order, and top40 hardrock mix i made in 2001 for lack of anything better to do in Sweden on night (which may or may not include perfect drug*nine inch nails).

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comments?? --->[thisaway]--->[[looks to me as though there are...]]---> 0 repercussions thus far

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[prologue] *** [epilogue] ***[plottwist!]

[[erstwhile]] ***** [[forthwith]]

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me
&
you
or
us
&
them
else...
immortality!



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