here's what will help me [things i cannot do myself] [[things you may feel perfectly free to do]] [[["as like a gift or something"]]] :

1. put an ax through my television. then, run my room's cable line around the corner and up the stair to the new tenant.

2. kidnap my roommate. no physical harm, please. [she's needy, not evil.] i need alone time.

3. spike my morning/midmorning/latemorning/noon/afternoon/lateafternoon/evening cups of coffee with saltpeter. [i'm finding that my new location within this sitting has me getting laid more. i always tried to get laid constantly, but now the success rate of such attempts is staggeringly-high. [i write much better when i'm incredibly frustrated... and wanting-to, but not-getting is the paradigm of useful frustration.]]

...on second thought... not saltpeter... hmmm... alternatives to....??? ...OH! you can stand outside the orange door and crotchkick any boy that comes near. [but please don't mistake the bar staff.] or, flag anything i post on craigslist. or, make it so my internet only works sporadically.

4. quit my job for me and win the lottery for me. or provide sustenance in some form. [and by sustenance, i of course mean "whisky, beer, port, vitamin water, and light minty [practically organic] fags."] [[i already have real food covered. i made soup the other day... it'll feed me for months.]]

okay... case in point! i've just lost my train of thought cos the roommate just HAD to come in a talk to me about instances which don't concern me, yet again. and again. and again. [[i hate redundancy.]]