i poured myself several lullabies and took out my work-angst on several unsuspecting homos hoping to get lucky online. [[and! i got to use such classic me-isms like, "just because i'm easy doesn't mean i'm not impeccably picky," and "i don't really care for my own father, do you really think i need another one?"]]

i went to work early today despite spending an hour calculating the most effectively cruel way of calling-in sick to screw over the baker that unintentionally screwed me over the night prior.

but i let it go. granted, i was ridiculously crabby, but that is due to the godawful heatwave at the moment.

i turned another 7hour shift into a scant 10hours, made fantastic food, went home to sistersister's house, had a beer and half-a-mind for a night of self-pity, cancelled my date and halfhearted attempted to make plans with any and everyone.

but i spent the night alone. i ordered chinese and politely declined offers to leave the house.

i smoked my last cigarette in the sticky summer night. on the stoop in my nifty underwear. sipped sangria. counted the new numbers in my phone. mapped out my non-work plans for the week.

and oh... my.. god.

i'm popular!
i'm busy!
i'm [in the words of ron burgundy] a big deal!

but whatever.

the point is... i'm done dicking around. i'm done using my ambition to help others. [[ooo, that sounds a bit cut-throat, doesn't it? not my intention.]] i'm going to be something fantastic cos i AM something fantastic.

and i've enough songs to fill 5 new albums. and not one of them can be filed in the "so-so" or "m'eh" categories.

and i'm going to demand a raise.
and i'm going to stop picking up people's slack.

cos that is not my life.