it better have hitched a ride from a foreign--never-been-in-my-house--object. particularly: the cup of lemonade from burger king, where i went at 1.30am with the intent of buying a veggie burger but managed to talk myself out of doing-so just in the knick of time and in turn, settled for a non-carbonated, non-caffeinated, medium-sized, to-go cup with straw of minute maid disgust.

i watched it crawl across the mountains of netflix envelopes and boxsets of tv shows i buy instead getting cable, that sat on the little round table my sister discarded [by putting it in my room]. my head on my pillow, trying to watch pre-recorded weather forecasts [[don't ask.]]

got up. flicked on the light. it scurried around to the 'neath side of the makeshift-bedside table. i go in for further examination.

cockroach. definitely, cockroach. [ish.]

dead cockroach, now. v. dead.

i used to believe cockroaches did not live in Minnesota... as though it were the only place the relentlessly-surviving beasts would not bother with. a nuclear fallout, sure! a minnesota winter, awh... hell no! i have come to understand quite the contrary within the last year. they don't get very big, though. the [assumably-]rogue c'roach on the 'neath side of the table in my room was smaller than my pinky-nail [and for those unaware: i've rather, [[and when i say 'rather,' i do mean 'VERY,']] small hands.

so small c'roaches can flourish in pygmy-esque form in minnesota... but, never in my house! not with all the bleaching, scrubbing, and alphabetical-order splendor! no frickin' way!

just NOT POSSIBLE. not even an option, really... not in my house. so y'see why, then, that i blame the burger king cup.

therefore, it would be in your best interest to empathise [or even, sympathise!] with me when i say:

i called burger king following the assassination and simply asked, [just wanting a Yes or a No... for a bloody piece of mind...] "Does your location have cockroaches? Have you noticed any cockroaches there?"

how rude that the answerer replies with a "fuck you" and hangs up on me.