the BRUTAL, UGLY truth of my FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL life.
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11:25 a.m. + 2004-02-24 = an entry that could have been avoided if i'd not been so lazy last week.
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pouring coffe into "his lordship" mug, listening to the dressy bessy album that just arrived in the post, coat is on, gearing up for morning cigarette in garage.
Mum walks into kitchen. I see her lips move. I hit pause and remove left earphone from left ear, figuring she is addressing me...
"...and speaking of mess..." she continues as though I was aware of what she had said just a moment earlier. She jabs her index finger into my shoulder lightly a few times. I know what she's going to say. She knows I know. She says it anyway, "Your room."
"Yeah, I know, I know." And I probably exude a certain degree ofu utter annoyance.
"A messy room is a sign of depression." [Goddamnit!, I saw that coming too.]
"Yeah well, so is accusing all your children of being depressed." [HA!, take that.] "I'm cleaning it today."
But too late. The damage is done. Maybe I am depressed...a room this messy is, afterall, quitequitequite out of character, I accuse myself.
This is also brought on by bartime with Ambryn last friday. She asked, "So how are you?" more than once as though she could weasle something other than my "goodgood, fine, great" responses out of me.
As most should know by now, I'm not terribly bothered with self-reflection and penetrating-analysis of myself... But, let's weigh-in the facts. [Just the facts, ma'am.]:
1. I'm very much over this living-at-home-ness.2. I miss Brian terribly, and at times, unbearably. uberlikewise in respect to my friends.3. "Financial headaches" is a whitewashed term; "money migraines," though not pinpoint-precise, is much more apt.4. I need a show. I miss my growing fanbase and have no concept of my current fanbase... It's time to think globally, act locally.5. I love my job and don't want to flirt with finding another.6. My day-to-day life happiness/management is completely dependent upon tuesday night bar trivia and whether or not I can finish both sunday crossword puzzles in the Star Tribune.7. I can only divide my productivity into two realms at a time. e.g., There's work, songwriting, reading, cleaning, movie watching, journaling... Today [one of my days off] it looks like cleaning and journaling are the winners. Yesterday was working and songwriting. Tomorrow, who knows. Does this mean i've become inefficient?8. I haven't picked up a book since graduation, which is to say the least, DISGRACEFUL!Yet, I AM well and goodgood and fine and great cos I know what depression feels like and this is not that. Nor is this even a distant relative of that. [Well, perhaps this could be a great-great step-uncle thrice-removed that doesn't even bother showing up to the once-in-a-blue-moon family-reunion.]
Else, this is just a byproduct of the cursed leap year. That damn day that prolongs sickly February.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
comments?? --->[thisaway]--->[[looks to me as though there are...]]---> 0 repercussions thus far
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[prologue] *** [epilogue] ***[plottwist!]
[[erstwhile]] ***** [[forthwith]]
