so, i want to embark on a campaign to eliminate the space between st. peter, mn and berkeley, ca. this will, of course, require considerable people power and i'll need the movers as well as the shakers. erasure of rocky mountains, though a sad end to epic beauty (come on now colorado, wyoming, montana, et al... all y'all certainly didn't actually believe your natural beauty could last forever, did you? what?, you did... awww... bless... OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES!), is absolutely necessary. the plains are nothing THAT remarkable, so nebraska, dakotas and [once again] montana, don't be getting your undies in a bundle. as for you, herre nevada... well, it was by fluke that you came to exist in the first place. your only contribution to cultured society has been lenient prostitution laws (which i capitalised upon by writing brilliant sophmoric essay) and Reno911! other than that, you are severe repercussion of minor clerical error--a typo that has turned poignant essay into whorehouse limmerick. idaho... shut yo' mouth, no one asked you.

so, if everyone would be so kind as to grab bucket and shovel and carry 13.000.000x your weight of mountain time zone-land (don't panic if you cannot get it all in one go. it, in fact, will require many a trip. but i must stress the importance of working quickly. acting urgently in this matter is critical) to the nearest indiana or pacific ocean, i'd be most appreciative.

once this is complete and all you MST citizens have been relocated to either of the two shores of continental USA, we'll need to grab hold of respective continental shelves and on the count of three REALLY push hard. and i do mean !!REALLY!! hard. careful not to rupture an artery or spleen. those with pre-existing herneas are exempt from manual-shoving, but you will need to find/steal a bulldozer and contribute your part. after this, you are all to revert to hunter-gatherer communities scattered about the coast lines.