the BRUTAL, UGLY truth of my FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL life.



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7:44 p.m. + 2003-10-27 = if i have to go to Viva El Paso! again.... well, it wouldn't be pretty whatever my reaction would be.

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it's perhaps the worst news of the year... christmas in el paso. with sisters. with estranged father. with his, as former roommate björn referred to her as, mail-order wife, Chom. and the bigotted grandparents that have disowned me... not because i'm gay, but because i never sent them a thank you card for the 25$ check given me as a combination bday and xmas gift for my 18th bday... i filled my gastank, bought a soda and a pack of cigarettes... not much to be thankful for.

that was the last gift i received from them. that was nearly 5 years ago. and now it looks as though i'll be spending dec18th-24th with them. as i told mum, it'll be a miracle if i return from beyond hellish xmas in a land of no snow (or pine trees for that matter) without a severely bad oxycotin habit.

this will be the worst holiday season on record. i CAN'T DO three xmasii, not in a row. not with new year's resolution to quit smoking looming in the air just past the present unwrapping (and returning... unless it's studio time or that 11cup cuisinart i've been drooling over or that weekend getaway for two package to iceland or a gift certificate to the new wool shoppe in town. p.s. st. peter now has TWO wool shoppes. UNHEARD OF! this town is kicking a little more ass every day, but that doesn't change the fact that i'm going stircrazy.)

where the hell was I? i don't know... i'm so, shall we say, "wacky?" right now. i need to go pre-spend my paycheck. i need a hardcore cd coveting session followed by spur-of-the-moment purchase post-session followed by buyer's remorse post-session discussion.

goddamnit. el paso. shitchristfuckpissspitblahyuckitydamnitgodchristshit. (how unlady-like of me. do i sound any less intelligent? perhaps so. i'm just starting the el pasoian blending process, i suppose.)

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comments?? --->[thisaway]--->[[looks to me as though there are...]]---> 0 repercussions thus far

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[prologue] *** [epilogue] ***[plottwist!]

[[erstwhile]] ***** [[forthwith]]

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me
&
you
or
us
&
them
else...
immortality!



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