the BRUTAL, UGLY truth of my FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL life.



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1:36 p.m. + 2003-10-22 = i wonder if this is what they mean by "empowerment"?

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okej... contrary to entry composed but an hour ago, i DID go to class (as had checked my midterm grade and decided that attendence from here on out IS the best policy.) But instead of chiming in with the conspiracy theory of have and have-nots in America (which has nothing to do with "Vilette" by Ms. Bronte which were supposed to be discussing), i started writing [what i guess you could call] life-affirming statements in swedish. true to mattson-form, it's become a list, chronological.

i haven't felt so adamantly about a direction since i was 14 and told that i wasn't best-suited as the front person of a band... so what did i do? i taught myself to play guitar, i started writing songs by myself, i went to extreme measures to make sure i had the space to do such, i acquired an "on-stage" personality. i made it happen. (a trick that worked with acquiring friends in college as well... "wow... she's cool, she'll be my best friend," thought i. and presto! i made it happen.

present situation/predicament is prescribing the same sort of i've-made-up-my-mind-to-flow-elsewhere,-you-cannot-dyke-me. so,*

i WILL quit smoking. i WILL find another job in addition to gaining more hours at co-op (best local cd shoppe is opening a branch in st. peter... !!! i'm just thinking... "DISCOUNT!"). i WILL sell my car. i WILL move to eastbay area. [oh, and i'll still pay half of a trip here in deadofwinter for the particular you.]

so dear friends, i'll, of course, need your help and support and such cos no man is an island (unless like treasure island and have busy bay bridge running through with on/off ramps.) i just need to get through this semester with good grades. (so far we're looking at a C+ (brit. wom. lit.), B (scan. pag. lit.), and A (social inequality. well, duh.))

*list flows and sounds much better in swedish but since i cannot make the umlots on damned PC and not everyone can be asked to sit and translate... it's engelska for the lotta you.

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comments?? --->[thisaway]--->[[looks to me as though there are...]]---> 0 repercussions thus far

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[prologue] *** [epilogue] ***[plottwist!]

[[erstwhile]] ***** [[forthwith]]

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me
&
you
or
us
&
them
else...
immortality!



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