the BRUTAL, UGLY truth of my FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL life.



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11:57 a.m. + 2003-08-10 = last night wasn't good.

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i've noticed that as of late, my entries are on the longer side of things. today will be no exception, however... i shall pick and choose what is swooning in my head...

last night. wasn't good. i find that my mood is quite like the approaching stationary front. but we must ask ourselves do i prescribe the weather or do i ape it? i used to have the power of pathetic fallacy, but then i also used to believe that i was the second coming. i've been feeling oh-so-frustrated/neurotic/lonely lately. it generally isn't noticeable in the morning or early afternoon (like the humidity) but then as the day latens, the humidity grows and then night falls and it's too damn hot to sleep and i kick around the sheets and stare angrily at the television... demanding that it put me to sleep.

and so is my frustration.

but then there are days like today... when the humidity is already in the air, not terribly terrible as of yet... but still there.

and so is my frustration.

last night wasn't good. i wrote a few songs and i'm shocked to hear the words that happened out of my mouth. the tunes are quite catchy, but then when i was fifteen i also wrote a poppy, bouncy number about my girlfriend's suicide attempt. twisted? immensely-so. but whatever.

i'm not at the end of my rope just yet, nor will i ever be... but i need to just not feel so invisible and inconsequential. like patty griffin sings, "but i need a little place in the sun sometimes or i think i'll die."

in other news, i did my entire skin regiment today, minus shaving. so it can't be all that bad, can it?

things i'm leaving out due to time constraints: conversation with ex, evil-ben; deep analysis of my friends vs. sex in the city... i'm sorry andy, but i CANNOT be samantha... i'm SO more carrie than you; a clarification of what i was jealous/envious of yesterday for a reader who may have taken it out of context (since i didn't write it in context); and how thankful i am that i don't have internet in my room, otherwise last night could've been a lot worse.

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comments?? --->[thisaway]--->[[looks to me as though there are...]]---> 0 repercussions thus far

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