i don't know whether or not to take his comment as a good thing. On one hand, it is sweet and i'm sure his intentions are nothing but golden, but on the otherhand, it keeps me hopeful, keeps me interested. although, i don't doubt for a moment that i am not permanently such.

it's been such a problem-that-has-no-name. the frustration of peacock. i've tried to bury myself in post-secondary education mumbo-jumbo, i've been trying to be too busy to think about it. and yet, i'm perpetually frustrated and it's always on the back of my mind, these feelings i harbour and abhor. i do not wish to be hopeful and to hang on to a friendship that i ignores the hunger in my bluegreen eyes for more. i can't be friends with someone i'm in love with.

did i say love? (um, stupid question. let me rephrase,) did i mean love? now that i think about it, that seems to be the only irrationally logical (or is it rationally illogical?) explanation to why i can't shake this out, to why i just can't wash this man out of my hair. yes, i can admit that i'm prone to falling in love. but this is different. or at least that's the story i'm sticking to.

the only question that remains is 'when'? When did i fall in love? must have been somewhere between the sprawling-out-over-a-large-map-of-vienna-showing-where-we-stayed and the "you have the most beautiful eyes" comment (or something to that effect) which was anything but a "line."